不能说的秘密

十年了。。 可说长不长，短不短。 俗话说的好，”人生哪来的几个十年？“ 这十年来过的不容易。 有个朋友对我说：”你们两本来就很rocky，所以不因该觉得很稳定“ (说的也对也错）。　当一个人很刻意把自己的幸福藏在心里，而只能远望着那遗失的爱，已经是个错。

我本就对她不公平，用着有色的眼镜去爱她。　如果两个人不能勾通而迟迟不开始的话，久了就死了。　也有另一个朋友说到　：“还以为是你呢！！？”　太多偏见了。。sigh。 早不巴不健康的习惯（她的）于别人的偏见搞定也是我的过错。太迟了， 怎么解释也每人会了解/认同。 Calvin 真的应该是错的一方。就这样认命吗？剧中人散。。满象一首歌的。。ｈｅｅｅｈｅｅ

From this day forth

i shall never ever wait again...waste my time to hear insults....

十年如一日。。

为何十年了还是做同样的任务？ 几时才会有用武之地？ 哀在。。。。

Smoking

Ever faced a dying person on a life support system dying from lung cancer? Dropping all their hair due chemotherapy and cant talk coz of the breathing tube inserted into their throat?

Perhaps most probably not or you wouldnt remember much.... for i did see my own grandmother die from the disease that struck me so hard that i hated smokers for a long time. In fact i hated my own grandmother for being so biased towards my sister that I cannot forgive her. But thats another story.

Seeing my parents cry and sob over the dead body was a lousy ting even for a 7 year old. Perhaps the sadness changed my perception towards smoking. I clearly remembered asking my Dad not to smoke and the family laughed, saying I was disrespectful. He was smoking in the balcony of the hospital ward that my grandma was dying inside.

A fren complained to me today that her neighbour was smoking and she hated it...i reminded her that her own hubby was a smoker and perhaps she shld ask him to stop first instead. The conversation went on to say that it does not mean that smoker is a good person by quitting. Obviously she never ever saw someone choke to death by cancer....the very last breath wheezing away..

Then i tried to tell her that my own grandma died from cancer due smoking. This fren insisted that cancer is caused by other factors and not smoking. duh.. When she lost the arguement...she said i cursed her family....I did not. (We are 30 years old..not kids you noe)

The truth hurts...im sorry to be the bearer of dark and cursed words. But facts are facts... Its my fucking problem that my grandmother died from smoking (quoting from her). But I cannot tell you nothing is wrong when everything is.

Stop giving excuses...do someting

A disappointing evening

Was supposed to go for a dinner function with QQ, She had asked me to accompany her to the dinner so I had agreed to go. As we arrived at the dinner, the bombshell dropped...we are not sitting together. She was placed to sit with her colleagues whilst I was seated with a bunch of total strangers. I was quite disappointed. I had asked her to book and arrange for this event as I could not access the system or the organisers. The arrangement of the seats were totally confused and poorly allocated. QQ tried to change the seats but couldnt do it.

Sigh..I wasnt angry but felt sad that the poor seating plan couldnt be reversed and thus I asked to leave. I really couldnt sit down for a ten course dinner with people that I totally dont know. Thus I missed a good dinner and the good speeches :( SAD

I cannot reverse time but I really hoped to have ate the dinner. But I cannot accept the fact that the organisers couldnt be found before the event and I couldnt sit with QQ. Sigh. Is that how tings really work ? Sad.....

PS I Love You

Watching the show PS I Love You....the show started ok...with quarrels and arguments i go thru daily.haha... the screaming and insulting...and all. Really struck a cord. Then the twist came in with the death.

I wonder how is it like if one day i go... i really feel i wun be remembered for long..perhaps 1 week or so. Already dont have much mates now.....perhaps none will appear at my passing...is that it God?

Was tinking wat God has in stall for me...a fren told me i have a bright future. I am really looking forward to it... :)

Is vengeance the way? or not?

Saw some photos of the 3 of them. celebrating rosa's bday. Struck me very hard. And its very painful. Some say let it go. Some say its not worth it. But the very fact i "died" wo a fair trial was a real unfair ting to me. Perhaps its me, my char, my stubborness, my attitude...easily misunderstood and never given a second chance.

Sometimes i wonder if i would one day become a evil man. A revenge seeking person who sought to do in all those who did me wrong. Watching batman begins really struck a cord w me. A thin line is drawn btw sanity and vengeance.

I choose sanity. I am very unhappy inside. But nth in this world cannot be handled. As my job needs me to be conscious and aware, I am aware of my situation in and ard my life and I will let go sooner or later. One way or another.

Revenge and justice is never the same. Even if i felt better i cannot reverse the things that happened and i think our frenships broke down for a reason. Even as how hard it feels, I will do it and sever the links and the this sorry self pity. They don't care anyway. They were the ones who let me go :)